Quoting Grunkle Stan (Summer of Gravity Falls)
Screenshot from the Gravity Falls theme song.
Hi everyone! I’m doing another fun little post today because I found a really old document in my files where I wrote down my favorite quotes from Gravity Falls characters and assigned a zodiac sign to each quote.
I did this a long time ago, back when I still really liked looking at different zodiac sign posts on Pinterest and such. Before you roll your eyes and leave this post, no, I do not actually believe in the generalized Astrology that’s vagueness makes it easy to identify with.
In fact, I don’t think a zodiac sign can predict much of anything about one’s personality, and Mercury being in retrograde is literally an optical illusion, just watch this episode of Star Talk.
So, in case there was any confusion, this is for fun. Don’t take it too seriously. I just wanted to compile my favorite Gravity Falls quotes into one place and this is the fun spin I put on it. It’s healing to laugh at all of the funny lines these characters say–just let yourself laugh.
The Signs as Dipper Pines Quotes
Aries: I am too Manly… Manny, or whatever it was you said!
Taurus: That’s not a theory, that doesn’t count as a theory.
Gemini: I’ll be right back after these messages, uh, I mean goodbye!
Cancer: And I’ll be out of your probably fake blonde hair.
Leo: That grappling hook has literally never helped us once.
Virgo: I mean beyond graduating high school with a high GPA and getting accepted into a good technical college with a photography and media production minor to start my own ghost hunting show.
Libra: Get this on tape in case I die, or whatever.
Scorpio: Oh no! They’re sitting on the couch!
Sagittarius: Ahh! The nachos tricked me!
Capricorn: I’m Dipper; I have shorts and determination!
Aquarius: There’s a carpetbagger I’m the turnip cellar.
Pisces: She’s cheating at life!
The Signs as Mabel Pines Quotes
Aries: The only monsters are your own inner demons, Dipper!
Taurus: Never. Let me sleep forever.
Gemini: I’m legalizing everything!
Cancer: I’m unappreciated in my time.
Leo: I AM THE GOD OF DESTRUCTION!
Virgo: That sounds like a dumb idea for poop heads!
Libra: Yep, miss mature, that’s me. Hey, you want to help me vandalize this picture of my jerky ex-crush?
Scorpio: Ugh! This is like homework: the game!
Sagittarius: Well hornswaggle my haversacks!
Capricorn: It’s covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids.
Aquarius: Syrup on cereal!
Pisces: I’m upset, yet intrigued.
The Signs as Stanley Pines Quotes
Aries: What’s everyone crying about? Back in my day, zeppelins fell from the sky like raindrops!
Taurus: I’m pushing 70 and I still eat ice-cream for dinner!
Gemini: You had your chance at the cotillion, you!
Cancer: Wash off the shame, Stan. Wash off the shame.
Leo: Okay party people… and Dipper.
Virgo: My crime is a lot better than that! I’m gonna get that seat and be ready in the morning when Gideon comes. Then maybe I’ll destroy some pool supplies. Night’s still young.
Libra: Darn beautiful men! Always eating… eating out of my trash… wait what?
Scorpio: Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on.
Sagittarius: Why was I dreaming of two brightly colored and radical young men?
Capricorn: You had me at shut up old man.
Aquarius: Time to use my old man powers.
Pisces: Text me a photo? Now you’re not even speaking English!
The Signs as Soos Ramirez Quotes:
Aries: That wasn’t like, a regular pedestrian, was it?
Taurus: Highlights are done! You’re going to make the other grandmas at the bingo hall so jealous!
Gemini: Rappers are visionaries, Wendy. I would eat my own pants if they told me to.
Cancer: Shh, we’re having a moment.
Leo: I make my own economy!
Virgo: Okay, what is the closest to our present situation: racoon in the engine, or angry grandparent won’t leave bus? Probably… probably the second one.
Libra: What is this new world? Shining, shimmering, splendid!
Scorpio: Figured there’d be a lot more hot old ladies.
Sagittarius: What’s going on here dudes? I heard a ruckus. Haha, that’s a funny word. Ruckus.
Capricorn: Some things, even Soos can’t fix.
Aquarius: What a nice lady. Well, back to riding this tiny train for children!
Pisces: Bros before dinos!
The Signs as Wendy Corduroy Quotes
Aries: Because after I break Ghost Eyes’s arm and steal the key off your neck, I’m gonna wear your butt on my foot like a rhinestone slipper!
Taurus: Alright, who’s ready for the best and most overpriced day of our summer?
Gemini: Buy a ticket, people! You know you have nothing better going on in your lives!
Cancer: The Big Dipper! That’s how you got your nickname! I thought your parents just hated you or something.
Leo: I am the lifeguard. I make the rules, sucka! Boosh!
Virgo: I’ll get your orthopedic back pillow.
Libra: I’ll keep an eye out for Stan. You go look through his weird old man biz.
Scorpio: I’m not actually laid back… I’m stressed like 24/7. Have you met my family?
Sagittarius: I have something even better… my butt!
Capricorn: It’s time we stop trying to be so “perfect” and be who we really are: we’re crazed, angry, sweaty animals! We’re not unicorns, we’re women, and we take what we want!
Aquarius: This is literally too dumb for me to care about.
Pisces: TV lied, man! If you can avoid growing up, do it.
I hope you enjoyed reading through these. Have a nice day!